


Old Beginnings

by darkness_prince_dan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phan AU, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 23:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4498989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkness_prince_dan/pseuds/darkness_prince_dan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A coffee shop, rainy weather and an uncertain relationship status. Dan and Phil meet after not seeing each other for nearly a year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Beginnings

The coffee shop is a little thing tucked away at the end of the street. Here they have a few tables pressed up against large windows opening up to a view of the sea and a short countertop on which cupcakes and other baked goods sit under a glass cover. There’s also a small display of various coffee beans and tea mixes neatly placed on a few shelves on the left of the entrance. The colours are not bright; it’s all grey, white or blue except for the few red and green cushions. Soft instrumental music plays in the background. Overall it’s a nice place to relax and enjoy a cup of tea or coffee without being disturbed. 

Dan’s sitting at the farthest table enjoying the free wifi connection and a good cup of coffee. He doesn’t lift his head when a bell rings announcing another customer. There’s no internet at his new place yet so he can’t afford being distracted from checking his favourite pages right now.

In his subconscious he registers that the shop owner comes out of the back to serve the customer. The exchange is short and quiet but then he hears his own name being spoken and looks up from the screen.

Next to the register stands a person he hasn’t seen in nearly a year looking as astonished as Dan’s feeling. The man’s eyes are the same vivid blue as Dan remembers but his hair has grown out and is no longer black. He’s also tan somehow; Dan didn’t think it was possible with his fair skin.

“Phil,” he says not being able to think of anything else.

“Yeah, hi,” the man comes closer smiling timidly. “What are you doing here?” He asks happily surprised.

“I live here now,” Dan answers. “And you?”

“I’m visiting my family. My brother’s flat is like right around the corner,” Phil explains. “Can I?” He gestures to a seat occupied by a green cushion in front of Dan.

“Sure, sure,” Dan says quickly, observing every move of Phil’s; the way he pulls back the chair, the way his now long brownish hair flops in his face as he leans down, the way he puts his to-go coffee cup on the table and drums on it with his fingers nervously. “You’re back,” Dan states closing his laptop.

“Yeah, I got back last week,” Phil says pushing the hair out of his eyes.

Dan wants to ask him why he hasn’t called then if he’s been here for a week. But he can anticipate the answer so keeps his mouth shut on the matter and just enjoys the fact that Phil’s actually here, in front of him.

“Your hair looks ridiculous,” Dan smiles.

“I know,” Phil laughs. “Didn’t have a chance yet to go sort it out.”

A silence falls over them as they study each other. Phil doesn’t seem as tall as Dan remembers and his a lot more defined muscles are stretching the sleeves of his t-shirt. His eyes are glowing with happiness, though, something they weren’t doing for a while before he left.

“You look different,” Phil comments after a couple of minutes of staring.

“ _I_  look different?” Dan laughs. “You’re tan and short. And have you been working out?”

“I’m not short,” Phil rolls his eyes. “Living in the Amazon for months has its perks, I guess,” he smiles answering Dan’s question. “And I didn’t mean appearance wise. You look happier.”

“You do too,” Dan bites his lip. “I guess, some time apart did good to both of us.”

“Yeah,” Phil murmurs casting his eyes down and picking on the cardboard on his cup. “I missed you, though,” he whispers so silently that Dan thinks he must have imagined it.

“So how was the trip?” The younger one asks ignoring the need to say ‘I missed you too, more than you can imagine and I have no idea how I survived these past months’.

“You make it sound like I was on holiday,” Phil smiles. “It was great, actually. We visited a lot of villages, helped a lot of people. Though, surgery is not easy in the middle of the rainforest,” he laughs.

Dan forgot how adorable Phil’s laughter is and how infectious. He himself can’t help but smile after hearing the sound.

“Are you back for long?” Dan asks sipping at his cup.

“Haven’t decided yet, actually,” Phil responds. “I got a job offer to work in a hospital nearby and that would mean staying here permanently but there’s also this program to go to Africa. They’re leaving in a couple of weeks, though, and I’d like to stay here longer than that. So I don’t know…” He trails off shrugging his shoulders.

“Oh,” Dan manages only that as he smiles kind of forcibly. Phil’s words trigger a memory he would rather forget.

***

_“You’re going where?” Dan asks Phil raising his eyebrows and putting his laptop on their sofa that he’s been sitting on for the past two hours trying to write a paper for one of his university courses._

_“To South America,” Phil responds smiling and sheds his jacket as he just got back from some meeting. “There’s this great program for doctors straight out of university and I’d be helping a lot of people.”_

_“For how long?” Dan wonders crossing his arms and frowning not actually delighted._

_“For ten months,” Phil bites his lip._

_“Ten months?!” Dan stands up throwing his arms in the air. “Tell me you’re fucking joking right now,” he demands._

_“Dan, people need help there and that’s why I became a surgeon so I could help people. I have to go,” the other tries to reason._

_“Are there not enough people you can help here? Do you have to go and play surgeon in the fucking South America?” Dan flails his hands about all agitated._

_“There are plenty of doctors who can help people here, not so much in South America,” Phil responds._

_“That’s utter crap, Phil. Stop talking nonsense. You can’t just leave me alone here,” Dan says seriously, crossing his arms._

_“Maybe if you actually had a life besides me this wouldn’t be such a problem. Can’t you see that your dependency on me makes us both miserable?” Phil says angrily and then his eyes widen seeing the hurt expression on Dan’s face._

***

Dan blinks several times trying to shake that memory out of his head. He’s not really listening to what Phil is saying so he refocuses.

“Anyway,” Phil says, eyes on the cardboard of the cup he’s picking on. “What are you up to these days? How have you moved here?”

“I dropped out of uni,” Dan responds clutching his cup for dear life because he can’t not think about that fight of theirs now. Or how it ended. He doesn’t know which is more distracting.

“You did?” Phil has the biggest grin on his face because he knows how it made Dan miserable. “What do you do now?”

“I’m actually an actor in a pretty decent theatre,” Dan smiles smugly.

“Your dream came true then,” Phil says and reaches out to touch Dan’s hand. “I’m so happy for you,” he beams.

Dan stares at Phil’s hand on his and remembers another part of the same night.

***

_Phil’s kissing his way up Dan’s spine unhurriedly. Dan watches as their fingers intertwine on the duvet. It’s silent and quite dark; only a couple of slivers of the streetlamp light manage to pierce the curtains. Even after a year Phil can’t convince Dan to have sex with lights on. But he doesn’t push him or question it much and Dan’s grateful for that._

_“You’re still leaving, aren’t you?” Dan whispers as Phil reaches his shoulders and settles down._

_“I need to, Dan,” he responds and Dan turns over to look at him._

_“You’re not happy with me,” Dan suddenly realises as Phil traces his fingertips up and down Dan’s side._

_“I am,” Phil murmurs. “I really do love you and I’m happy being with you. But I need something more out of life than just having twelve hour shifts at the hospital where people don’t even appreciate what we do for them. I want to make actual change where my years of hard work would really pay off.”_

_“I understand,” Dan lies shivering as Phil runs his fingers along his neck._

_“This will be good for both of us,” Phil tries to reassure him. “You’ll have an actual need to meet new people and maybe you’ll decide to change your major.”_

_They’re silent for a while. A police car drives past with a blaring siren. A pigeon lands on their window ledge, its feet scrape against the metal as it coos loudly. Phil’s kissing Dan’s neck and running his fingers through the other’s hair._

_“So we’re breaking up?” Dan whispers and it’s all he can do not to break down crying._

***

“Yeah, I’m glad I took your advice,” Dan says already missing the touch as Phil retracts his hand.

“How did your parents take such news?” The older one wonders sipping his coffee and seemingly having no idea what he’s doing to Dan.

“Better than I thought, actually,” Dan answers wanting to reach out and brush away Phil’s hair that keeps getting in his eyes. “When they got over the initial shock, mum even helped me find a flat here,” he smiles.

Dan’s waiting for Phil’s response but the other man is just staring at him fondly. The younger one feels like it’s their first date all over again; Phil wasn’t able to take his eyes off Dan then either. It all makes Dan blush and cast his eyes downwards. Phil chuckles lightly.

“Sorry. It’s just been a long time since I saw you last but now it seems like no time has passed,” he explains.

The last time they saw each other was at the airport right before Phil had to leave. They had spent the whole previous week together deciding to end their relationship as late as possible. That week was probably the best and worst in Dan’s life.

***

_In the middle of summer the airport is packed. People are running around in all directions, children are crying, someone is shouting at some employee for losing their luggage. Dan doesn’t feel at all comfortable in such a crowd. He clings to Phil’s hand as they’re waiting for his flight to be announced._

_“I’ll call you when I land,” Phil promises rubbing circles on Dan’s palm._

_“But not while you’re in the stupid rainforest,” Dan mumbles pouting and putting his head on Phil’s shoulder._

_“Well, I’ll be busy and the cell reception there is horrible,” the older one says intertwining their fingers and turning his head to kiss Dan’s hair. “But I’ll contact you as often as I can.”_

_“I have no idea how you’ll survive without the internet,” Dan smirks after a short silence._

_“I’ll probably have serious withdrawal symptoms and they’ll have to get a laptop with an internet connection for me so I wouldn’t go on a killing spree,” Phil giggles, his shoulders shake slightly and Dan’s head is no longer comfortable so he lifts it up._

_Phil’s flight is announced then. Dan’s heart kicks into overdrive, he can hear it pulsing in his ears and breathing suddenly becomes difficult. This is it, Phil’s actually leaving him. How will he survive?_

_Phil stands up and grabs his backpack. Dan jumps to his feet too crashing into Phil and embracing him as tightly as possible._

_“It’s not the end of the world,” Phil whispers into the younger’s ear. “We’ll see each other in ten months.”_

_Dan doesn’t believe his words. He’s sure that Phil will forget about him. Communication will be difficult between them if not impossible; they won’t be able to keep what they have. That’s why they decided to end their relationship, leaving no strings attached if anything happens while they’re separated by thousands of kilometres for nearly a year. They’re still staying friends, though. Dan doubts that scenario will work out either._

_Phil pulls away slightly and then pecks Dan’s lips quickly. But the younger is having none of it. He grabs hold of Phil’s shirt, pulling the other man to himself. Dan kisses him hungrily, desperately ignoring that they’re in the middle of an airport filled with people who, Dan’s quite sure, are staring at them disapprovingly and judgementally. And then Phil’s stepping back grinning and nearly crashing into another person. Dan just shakes his head as he watches him go with a sad smile._

***

“Yeah, I know,” Dan says as he licks his lips remembering their last kiss. He looks down at his cold cup of coffee. “I wish you hadn’t left,” he murmurs quietly.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that,” Phil leans in closer all smiley and happy and Dan suddenly can’t repeat that sentence. He doesn’t want to start a fight when they’ve just been reunited.

“I’m glad that you’re finally doing what you like,” Dan says instead and feels content that the smile on Phil’s face hasn’t disappeared.

“You too are doing what you’ve dreamt of. How is the theatre life?” Phil asks genuinely interested as he watches Dan, giving him all the focus. Dan’s already forgotten how attentive Phil is, how he really cares about what others have to say. It’s refreshing after months of conversing with people who are just waiting to say something about themselves in a conversation that has nothing to do with them.

They chat for hours it seems. Dan’s laptop sits forgotten as he listens to Phil’s stories about surviving in the Amazon, seeing humongous snakes and steering clear of poisonous spiders and frogs, sleeping in huts and battling hundreds of mosquitoes, getting soaked in torrential rain and trying to communicate with people who only speak their own language. It’s all thrilling to Dan and he feels like his stories don’t compare to what Phil’s been through. However, the older of the two still laughs at Dan’s tales of failures during rehearsals or plays on an opening night, of what antics he and his new friends get up to when they’re not busy rehearsing, of how Dan still doesn’t have internet at his place and he barely survives so he has to leech it off this café or bring his laptop to the theatre. And Dan’s over the moon that he can still make Phil laugh, that it still feels natural to hook his foot around Phil’s ankle never wanting to lose physical contact however small it is, that Phil still absentmindedly reaches for Dan’s hand and draws circles on the knuckles with his fingertips.

Storm clouds gather over the sea swallowing the red hues of the setting sun and painting over them with greys, blacks and dark blues. Lightning lights up the waves which are beating on the rocks near the shore. Thunder follows suit booming loudly and making the seagulls screech and take flight. Soon raindrops smear the windows of the café. Torrents of them run down the windows creating a soothing background noise.

“And then she runs out of the cabin,” Phil’s telling Dan another story and can’t seem to finish it as a fit of laughter overwhelms him. Dan just smiles watching him giggle; god, he’s missed this. “And like two seconds later she’s screaming ‘cause she got into a web and we go help her. It all ended fine, though. The snake in her bed wasn’t even venomous,” Phil calms down and flips away his hair. “Your turn,” he tells Dan, his tongue is still poking out of his mouth as he’s grinning.

“I think I’m out of stories for now,” Dan responds glancing at a clock on the opposite wall. It’s near closing time, they’re probably about to get thrown out into the storm.

“Wow, is that the time?” Phil asks shocked slightly as he follows Dan’s gaze. “Man, I’ve kept you here for hours.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t have anything important to do anyway,” the younger lies. He planned to run through his lines again for the new play since they have to know them by heart tomorrow. But Dan will gladly endure the wrath of the director if he gets even two more minutes with Phil.

“Remember when we’d spend all night just talking?” Phil wonders suddenly, his eyes bore into Dan’s.

“More often than not it wasn’t  _just_  talking, though,” Dan smirks and wiggles his eyebrows making Phil laugh out loud.

“Sorry, guys,” the shop owner interrupts their moment and if he didn’t let Dan steal his internet, Dan would’ve cursed him at this moment. “We’re closing,” he ruffles his brown curls awkwardly and glances out the window biting his lip. “It’s not like I want you to get out in the rain but I gotta get home too so…” He trails off looking uncomfortable and apologetic, his green eyes flit between them.

“Nah, it’s alright,” Phil reassures him as he stands up. “We understand, right, Dan?” He looks at Dan with that smile and Dan curses him for always being so nice and sympathetic. Dan would gladly pout and demand to stay for another hour until the storm passes but he huffs getting up too and collecting his things.

“Thanks, guys,” the shop owner smiles brightly and then motions to the back. “I could give you an umbrella if you’d like, I have a spare one,” he suggests.

Phil gladly takes him up on that offer while Dan’s busy cramming his laptop into a too small bag. Soon they’re out on the street and Dan’s pressing as close to Phil as he dares so as not to get soaked.

***

_It’s their first date. Dan’s new in the city so Phil’s showing him around. They started with Phil’s favourite café near their university campus, from there they went to a planetarium where Phil charmed Dan with his constellation knowledge and now they’re strolling in the park. Their hands brush from time to time, they occasionally bump shoulders and Phil keeps looking at Dan which makes him blush and hide behind his fringe._

_The rain is not really unexpected. Dark clouds have been hovering overhead and blocking the sun since the morning. However, the pair is still surprised when the sky opens and torrents of rain drench them immediately. Phil’s come prepared, though, and he pulls out an umbrella out of his backpack. They huddle close together and Dan can hear the beating of his heart in his ears._

_“Well, this is not what I planned,” Phil laughs lightly._

_“N-no, it’s fine,” Dan manages to answer and curses himself for stumbling over his words._

_“C’mon,” Phil says smiling as his arm curls around Dan’s waist holding him close under the small umbrella. “My flat’s not far from here, we’ll be able to get warm there.”_

_Dan probably shouldn’t trust a guy he met in his university library a week ago but he’s too smitten already so he only blushes at Phil’s actions and lets the older one lead him wherever he pleases._

***

“So which way to your place?” Phil asks hooking his arm around Dan’s and drawing him closer. Dan knows it’s just so that they wouldn’t shuffle awkwardly next to each other not quite managing to share the umbrella but it still makes his heart flutter happily.

“That’s like the least smooth chat up line I’ve heard,” Dan laughs but starts leading Phil in the right direction anyway.

Phil blushes at the comment slightly and bumps Dan’s shoulder smiling shyly all of a sudden. And Dan understands him completely. They’ve been together for more than a year before they broke up, they know each other so well but they haven’t even talked in nine months. It’s like they’re starting anew but have all this baggage together which they try to ignore. Because it’s not like it was, they can’t just click back together as if nothing happened, they can’t just start sharing secrets like they used to, Dan can’t just casually lean into Phil like he wants to, he can’t just peck him on the lips like his heart desires. They’re back at square one of being friends. Are they even friends? Or are they simply people who used to be something extraordinary and now are nothing but acquaintances?

“You have that look on your face,” Phil comments shifting the umbrella to his other hand.

“What look?” Dan raises an eyebrow turning to Phil. They’re so close, Dan would have to lean in only a couple centimetres and his lips would touch Phil’s. He doesn’t do that, of course. Instead he just enjoys the heat radiating off Phil’s body and the way the older one guides Dan weaving around the puddles of murky water.

“The look you get when you’re deep in thought, when you worry about something too much,” Phil answers moving them to the side as a woman shouting at someone on the phone passes by nearly clawing their eyes out with her humongous umbrella.

“I don’t have  _the look_ ,” Dan rolls his eyes. He squeaks loudly when a car drives past splashing the pavement with a tidal wave of rainwater. Phil laughs so Dan glares at him disapprovingly.

“You so do,” Phil continues their conversation. “Believe me, I’m a Dan Howell expert extraordinaire, there’s no question I couldn’t answer about you,” he smirks cheekily.

Dan just shakes his head smiling softly.

They soon stop in front of Dan’s block of flats. Neither of them wants to move so they stand facing each other grinning like dorks.

Night finally cloaks the seaside city and the streetlights come to life. The steady rhythm of heavy rain dissipates into a soft murmur. Raindrops slide down the umbrella and drip off it straight under Dan’s collar. He doesn’t mind it much as he’s happy chatting with Phil for that bit longer.

“I should probably go,” Phil says not even intending to move from the spot.

“Yeah, probably,” Dan whispers back. At night he’s finally brave enough so he lifts his hand and brushes Phil’s fringe away making the other shiver at the warm contact.

“Do you want to meet tomorrow?” Phil asks suddenly looking hopefully at Dan.

Dan wants to say ‘yes, of course’ immediately but stops himself. The implication of such a proposal is quite obvious considering the way they’ve been acting around each other. However, Dan’s not sure he wants that if Phil’s just going to leave in a few months again. And he sure as hell doesn’t want to go through heartbreak one more time.

“I’m sorry,” Phil backpedals taking Dan’s silence as a no. “You probably already have someone, I’m an idiot, I shouldn’t just assume, we were just clicking so well today and I thought… Never mind,” he steps back not daring to look at the other and Dan’s left in the drizzle since Phil’s the one holding the umbrella.

“It’s not that,” Dan assures him. “You’ll leave again, Phil, and I’ll be the one who suffers,” he says in a near whisper clasping the strap of his bag.

“You think I didn’t suffer being so far away from you?” Phil asks raising his eyebrows. “Dan, there wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about you. It was as difficult for me as it was for you.”

“Then you shouldn’t have even left!” Dan shouts throwing his arms in the air all frustrated. There goes his composure that he’s been so proud of for the past few hours.

“If I hadn’t, we’d still be living in that shitty flat, you’d be miserable studying in uni and I’d regret not taking this opportunity,” Phil says too calmly for Dan’s liking. “Just look at how much you’ve achieved without me by your side. You’re no longer that shy dependant person that I met. You’re confident and you live by yourself in a city you barely know. I’ve fulfilled my dream and you’re fulfilling yours right now. It was awful being separated for the both of us but you can’t say it wasn’t helpful too.”

Dan calms down while Phil explains his view on this situation. He can feel the light drizzle dampening his clothes and he’s pretty sure that his hair’s a mess by now. But Phil’s got a point and Dan really can’t deny that the separation was beneficial for them.

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt still,” Dan murmurs biting his lip.

“I know,” Phil nods, regret evident on his face. “And I’m sorry. Can’t we start over?” He asks stepping back up to Dan and sweeping his wet fringe from his forehead.

“Will you leave for Japan or something in a year again?” Dan smirks at Phil.

“Not without you,” the other responds smiling.

Dan doesn’t hesitate pulling Phil closer to himself and connecting their lips. The umbrella clatters to the ground but neither of them cares. Dan sighs when Phil’s tongue swipes over his lips and moans obnoxiously when their tongues meet. He’s extremely aware of the other’s fingers dancing on the strip of skin where the waistband of Dan’s jeans meets the hem of his shirt. The younger one shivers as Phil slips his hands under the shirt and lightly runs his fingertips on Dan’s lower back. In answer Dan tangles his fingers in Phil’s hair and tries to minimise the gap between them as much as possible.

“Maybe you want to give me a tour of your flat?” Phil asks breathlessly ghosting his lips over Dan’s ear and making him shiver.

“That might be one of your most brilliant ideas,” Dan mumbles pecking Phil’s lips for good measure and then he pulls away taking the other’s hand and leading him inside.

The umbrella sits forgotten under a pool of light of a streetlamp. Wind billows lightly. It picks up the umbrella off the ground and its point scrapes against the pavement. The noise is quiet, just a whisper, unlike the laughter and moans coming from a flat nearby.


End file.
